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Brittany Ashton James
Mrs.Koester
English 1010
September 6th,
2013
“The First Time”
There I was 17 years old and with a lot of attitude. I was
5’2 don’t and closed in. Usually I was the quiet type but knew how to speak up
if needed. I was a tough girl so to speak. A person who didn’t show hardly any emotion
.So I don’t love easily. I have to really like you in order to let you into my
life or my heart. In my past I never really took the time to care about another
individual, but when I met my boyfriend everything changed. My thick walls
around my heart fell almost immediately when we was together .I couldn’t
control it, it’s like when he spoke my heart melted into a smooth river of love
.All I wanted to do was feel love. I always tried to make our relationship
better and last in any way I could. There’s so much I could say about him.
Whether it be the way he walks, talks, or even laughs. My friends got annoyed at
the fact he was all I talked about. I just noticed everything about him .I loved
him so much. I listened to him more than anyone else. Late night conversations
and his sweet text messages made me feel special. He was my heart, I trusted
him with all of me, but I guess it wasn’t enough.
One day on a
bright Tuesday afternoon around 2 pm I was walking out of Central High School
to go meet up with some friend’s afterschool. I was having a good day. I had
just scored at 90 on my exam and couldn’t wait to tell my family. Suddenly I
was stopped by a group of names Shana, Kim and Monica. I knew it was something
bad because they were giggling. I politely spoke to each of them only to hear
no answer. I hated them; they were evil and knew the gossip around school. They
felt as if they knew anything and everything about whose dating who? Who got
asked to prom? Silly things that would not matter when we graduated, but they
felt as if high school was the most important issue on earth. Shana smiled and
told me that my boyfriend was seeing someone else. I brushed it off as if I
didn’t hear what she had just told me .Now usually I don’t listen to rumors,
but something inside of me told me to listen and investigate this rumor. I
prayed and hoped that it was all a lie. That they were just jealous .I told all
three girls that they were mistaken and that they didn’t know what they were
talking about. But did I believe that? I wanted to have all trust and be
confident that he was faithful to me and only me. I saw him a few minutes later
.My stomach flipped a million cartwheels and my throat suddenly became dry I
was delighted but also scared to confront him about this horrific thing I had
heard about him. He approached me gave me a rather tight longer hug than usual
and said “I’m sorry”, “I love you”. I was confused so I reluctantly asked
“why”? He replied and said “I cheated on you”. The silence was so thick after
he told me this confession that you could cut it with a knife. My heart sunk,
fell, and shattered into small tiny pieces and dissolved in my stomach .I felt sick.
I walked away in shame as quickly as I could without looking back. He grabbed
my arm, trying to explain. I couldn’t understand anything he said ,my mind
wouldn’t let me listen to his words. Tears fell down my face. I tried to stop them,
but I couldn’t control myself. Wiping all of the wet sadness from my face had
made my sleeves soaked. I just wanted to go into hiding that day .Thinking;
panting, sweating .I was in complete shock .How could the man I was going to
marry cheat on me? All my trust for anyone vanished in an instant. I went to go
sit on the main steps. I just wanted to be alone, and I was .Waiting for my
ride to pick me up was horrible. It felt like I was waiting forever .Then a white
and blue truck pulled up and I knew that was my older brother coming to pick me
up. I rushed to the car and told my brother the situation.We went out to eat
and talk about it. We rode home in silence. It definitely gave me time to think
about it.
I was
suddenly mad at the world .Every guy after him meant nothing to me .I have
never gotten cheated on before that day and I never wanted to feel that pain again.
I went home and told my mother. She was standing in the hallway with a
concerned look on her face. She knew it was something wrong with her only
daughter and I felt if she was the only one by my side waiting there for me. I
explained what happened and she listened to every detail I spoke. Advice is
always a good thing to receive, and I craved it. I was told to never try to
think about the problem so much and to move on, she was so convinced this was
just another high school crush .But it wasn’t that simple and easy. My mind was
only focused on one thing and that one thing was the guy I thought I could
trust but betrayed me. I didn’t care about what was going on with school. My
grades were not the way they should have been .I was just at an all time low. So those same walls that fell around my heart
quickly rebuilt themselves and made many more layers. I was and still am a cold
soul. I had changed for the worst and I trying to get better everyday.
